


Ignis de Luna

by Rucksack (wingblade)



Series: Perdition [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Study, M/M, Modern Era, Portland Oregon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-04-25 17:45:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4970377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingblade/pseuds/Rucksack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first, Isa isn’t too worried about Lea starting college. Then Lea starts coming home later and later, until it’s like he’s never home at all. Continuation of <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3742702/chapters/8298706">Lunae Ignis</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Downtown (August)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm caught up with work, so I'm catching up with some fic posting!
> 
> A divergence from what I originally intended for this story while writing Lunae Ignis includes the addition of Isa's point-of-view, in addition to Lea's. It alternates between chapters. Chapters are also a bit longer. There will hopefully be three chapters this month to catch up to the October chapter, and then once a month afterwards.
> 
> Surprise pairing is _such_ a surprise... I'm a total sucker for love triangles.
> 
> Again, please let me know if the Latin in the title is incorrect or could be written differently!

Their first home away from home is a studio apartment downtown. It’s too expensive, the city life outside is too loud, and the walls are too thin, but it’s close to both of their jobs, in addition to Lea’s new university. Looking back, Isa never thought he would consent to be in such a position — helping support Lea through college — but in a small way, it feels right to Isa. In another world, maybe Isa would be able to attend school right alongside his best friend, like before. The only real difference would be the futile task of keeping Lea from succumbing to the stereotypical college life of partying and drinking too often. But there’s something keeping him motivated; maybe it’s Lea’s smile, or how proud Isa feels of his friend.

If anything, Isa adores their fourth-floor view, despite the height making him dizzy.

Originally, they had intended to alternate on who provides dinner each night, but now, it’s almost always Lea’s treat. Tonight he brings home Chinese take-out, and they plop down on the couch to watch television as they eat. Lea always says it’s more convenient for him to pick up dinner, but where once this had been true, it is now stretched thin over the fact that Isa is much more used to traversing the downtown streets now. Isa had barely ventured downtown before Lea had been accepted into college, but he knows his way around now. There’s an ice cream shop, a huge bookstore, and at least three restaurants on their block alone. 

Isa even brings home ice cream after work on good days, but today does not happen to be one of those days. For once, he tries to control his anger; he’s happy to see Lea, and there’s no point in snapping at him without cause. There’s nowhere to run and sulk in their small apartment; no door to slam in frustration except the door that leads to the tiny dressing room, and this would mean depriving Lea of the connected bathroom.

Isa has yet to stoop this low. His lip curls into an awkward sneer as he represses his laughter at the thought of locking Lea out of the bathroom.

“What?” Lea asks, in that smooth tone of his, resonating throughout the room and making him seem larger than life. “Is there something on my face?” He dabs some sauce across his lips and the tip of his nose, just to make Isa laugh. “What? Really, Isa. C’mon, be a pal.”

If Isa didn’t know better, he might think Lea was actually this clumsy.

After they’ve cleaned up their mess from dinner, they decide to lie down. Their beds are on opposite sides of the room, for the minuscule sense of privacy it provides. There’s no distinct bedtime, and Isa often ends up reading over on his side beneath a small lamp while Lea tosses, turns, and occasionally snores. Every night, however, Lea calls out a dramatic, “Goodnight, Isa!” before closing his eyes, like an old seventies sitcom.

It is tradition.


	2. College (September)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally procrastinated on typing this chapter out, so there will be two today!

With such a full class schedule, Lea thought he’d be slamming the books day-in and day-out. His English class already assigned a textbook, but it’s a small, flimsy thing. Flipping through the first few pages, it looks like something read in ninth grade English, or even before that. Never having been much of a reader, Lea is content with this. Maybe the professor is starting them off a little slow. His only regret is letting the excitement of the first day spur him into buying the book at the campus bookstore, at the low price of three times its worth. He had been grinning wildly, too; no wonder the student cashier who rang him up eyed him strangely. She must have been thinking, “Ah, freshman.”

Lea closes the book, not too impressed with his newly assigned studies, but still riding on his buzz. On the ground floor of many of the university’s buildings are various sitting areas, which is where Lea is resting before his next class. The only seat that hadn’t been taken was a strange lounge chair — Lea isn’t sure if he’s supposed to sprawl out on it or if it’s meant to be shared, like a couch. Every time someone walks by him, he moves his bag onto his lap in courtesy, but they pass him by to greet their friends on the other side of the room. Finally, he just puts his bag on the floor between his feet.

He wonders what it would be like to have friends here in college with him — if Isa were here. Lea wouldn’t be so lonely if Isa were here. They could learn all of this together.

“Is this seat taken?” a voice above him asks. Lea looks up to see a young blond man with a round face. His large blue eyes dart around anxiously, meeting everything but Lea’s own.

“No, go ahead,” Lea replies, scooting over as much as possible to make his fellow student feel more comfortable. But now Lea is the nervous one. What’s he supposed to do now with such a cute guy sitting beside him? He can’t focus on his book at all; the words are blurring, and it begins to hurt his head. When he closes the book, it’s much too loud. Everyone in the room can hear it; everyone in the hall, everyone on the entire campus.

Their eyes meet — the lonely and the anxious — and the blond’s cheeks plump up in a small smile.

Lea’s breath stops.


	3. Fear (October)

Isa bought dinner on his way home tonight. It’s Halloween. They’ve always spent Halloween together. It’s half past eight now, though, with no sign of his best friend showing up.

 _Soon_ , Isa tells himself, but eight o'clock passes, and nine zips right by. The food lies cold and untouched upon the coffee table. Normally they would watch scary movies all night on Halloween, but nothing has been “normal” lately. Ever since school started back in September, Lea comes home late. It had only been a few nights a week at first. Now it’s everyday. What if tonight is the night Lea doesn’t come home at all?

Isa taps the couch’s armrest in thought. Lea’s always been aloof and dodgy when he’s been up to no good. Usually it’s been whenever he’s tried to date someone behind Isa’s back. There’s no question as to why Lea would choose to hide it — Isa knows how snippy he himself can be; a professional at holding grudges for a lifetime and possessing a hatred no one could dream of rivaling — but it still hurts.

Lea’s never felt so far away before; so untouchable.

The last thing Isa wants to do is seem desperate. He can’t text Lea; can’t ask where he is, or ask when he’s coming home, or tell him that he loves him and misses him. The silence in response would be too much to bear. And showing such blatant affection — Isa can’t do it.

Buying food in good faith — faith in his best friend — had not been the best idea, Isa sees now. He shouldn’t have assumed today would be different. Why should it? Looking at the food makes resentment bubble up inside him, but there is nowhere else to look; it draws him in and latches itself to his gaze.

Everywhere is Lea — his bed, a pair of jeans left on the back of the couch, his textbooks strewn across the floor; there is no escape.

Throwing out the food would be wasteful, but keeping it would be equally ornery. The sight of it makes him so sick that he isn’t sure which idea he prefers more. He eventually stands up, moving to monotonously throw it in the garbage, reigning in his spiteful nature, and ties up the bag to take it to the dumpster downstairs.

When he’s outside, breathing in the fresh, cool air of fall, he listens to the still-bustling sounds of the city’s nightlife.

 _Is this really worth it?_  Isa wonders. _This anger and never-ending loneliness?_

And despite everything, Isa nods to himself. Lea is worth it.


	4. Sustenance (November)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was intended for November, yeah, but school has pretty much wrecked all of my scheduled fic plans. It still fits the holiday theme a bit, though.

Lea and Roxas have been spending more and more time together, and at this point, it’s been every day after school. As welcoming as he’s been, it was easy for Roxas to invite Lea over to his house for Thanksgiving. The conversation had flowed in such a way — as they always seem to — that Lea had nodded in agreement before he even realized he was being asked a question.

What else would he spend the day doing? Isa’s family always provided a plentiful meal for the holiday, but there’s something about Roxas’ family that Lea never knew he needed.

Roxas’ family is huge, and that’s only counting his immediate family. His brothers and sisters are running around the living room, vaulting over the back of the couch in excitement. It’s new enough for Lea not to be irritated — at least, not yet. Is this what his life might have been like if his parents were still here?

Isa’s home had been quiet and tranquil — the opposite of Lea. Lea’s always had a sarcastic, cynical retort to everything. He found his energy reserves drained from acting “proper;” having to keep his bed made, passing dishes counter-clockwise at the dinner table, and his worst offense, which had been forgetting to pass the salt _and_ the pepper together once.

Roxas’ family is different. When his mother brings out the dishes of fresh olives, seasoned stuffing, and succulent slices of turkey and places them on the table, everyone digs in. Everyone’s chatting and laughing. One of Roxas’ younger brothers ends up with gravy smeared on his chin, and his mother pauses eating her food to wipe it off.

Lea looks across the table at Roxas, and they share a look. It’s not in awe or disbelief; it’s simply their own.

Not wanting the night to end, it makes Lea’s stomach flip-flop when it’s past midnight and Roxas leads him outside. Roxas’ parents are turning the lights off and tucking the kids into bed; a firm closure for the night.

“I could stay,” Lea reasons nonchalantly, not wanting to seem too desperate.

Roxas pulls him down for a short kiss, tangling his hands in soft, red hair. Against Lea’s lips, he whispers, “Would that really be a good idea?”

Something in Roxas’ voice makes him hesitate — the want, the need, the desire, the _implication_. Lea doesn’t want to mess this up, like he’s messed up every other relationship in his life.

Like how he’s messed up Isa.

Roxas pulls away and leaves him alone with his thoughts in the cold, night air.


	5. Holidays (December)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter finally! Next I'll be working on editing the next chapter of Darkness Remains, which should be posted soon. I'd like to say I'll have a ton of time to write during summer break, but I don't trust my choice in workload.

Isa hasn't bought Lea anything for Christmas. He's not sure if he should. Despite his frustration, there's a small part of him that shies away from such pettiness. But Isa _is_ petty, in addition to utterly resentful. But mostly, he's sad. Alone, forgotten, left behind; the ache in his chest is what pulls him back each day.

_Lea._

The want, the need for something different; substantial and whole. Isa doesn't want to have to worry whether or not Lea's even alive, after days of not even being able to see his friend.

What sort of gift is one supposed to give the person who's been avoiding them? The most important person in their life — their best friend — who they're not entirely sure hates them or not? To someone they used to know better than themself? Someone they trusted to never leave or hurt them?

This silence needs to end; this bridge needs to be crossed. Words tend to be difficult to articulate for Isa — without snide or venomous remarks, at least. This is how he's always conveyed his feelings: with silence, quiet acceptance, and occasionally a rude retort. Most of those ideas don't feel quite right now, however.

Then there's the deep, sinking feeling in the pit of Isa's stomach; the only word he can think to describe it as is _doom_. It somehow translates into a real sound: footsteps in the hall, edging closer. A key in the doorknob, turning — and then there's Lea, fur-trimmed coat wrapped around his thin frame. His long, red hair is flat from the rain weighing it down, dripping onto the small entrance mat in front of the door.

Isa glares at him. For a moment, their eyes almost meet, but Lea's turning away, leaning down to unzip his boots.

Here's that feeling of doom again; pure dread at the loss Isa has been experiencing for months now. It's the slow, agonizing crawl of losing the only person he's ever truly loved.

_Look at me. Please. Lea. Lea, look at me._

Before Isa can stop himself, the plastic of Lea's coat is clenched between his hands. Still, Lea stubbornly looks away — at _anything_ but Isa. A sudden sadness drenches Isa, quenching his anger.

_Is this really what we've come to, Lea?_

Standing on tiptoe, Isa kisses his best friend.

_For Christmas, I guess you get me._


End file.
